it's like ohemgee

i don't think i'll ever get used to when the most random people come up to me and say 'oh hey, btw i read you're blog' cause you know it's a rare, no seriously rrrrrrrraaarrrrreeeeeeee like if i'm an animal, i'll be like the one on the verge of extinction #win.

but dear people-that-i-know-you-but-i-didn't-know-you're-reading-my-blog-people or you, uhm thank you for reading my crappy blog *insert cute face here* haha.

i swear i'll try to tune down the emo-nest. oh well, i guess now i need more brain fart post then. 

on the other hand, i'm so glad that i'm never too specific when i'm mentioning somebody especially when i'm being bitchy. you'll never know how somebody would use your words against you.


************

i'm tired, my back hurt, i'm sleepy, i have reading to catch up to, i need to churn out a presentation for my cwu, i have ssm to worry about, i have short case to be nervous about, i need multiple droids of myself to go about and do all these. i need a break, i need a freaking life.

i'm being cranky, i just need a nap.

*abrupt end, bye*

Finish my study plan for the day EARLY! a rare occasion for the very busy triad a.k.a 3 in 1 posting i'm in now.

i feel accomplish :)

for those people who've been touting that 4th year medical school is the honeymoon year, well FUCK YOU. ehem, pardon my uncalled profanity. but seriously.
the postings are undeniably interesting but trying to cram a subspeciality subjects within 3weeks require way too many functioning brain cells that i can only pray i have enough of wtf.

AND to add to my frustration, i can't never seem to see the bloody fundus well with the bloody opthalmoscope! GAH.

finished study plan my ass, i'm gonna be sleeping late again.
so much for feeling accomplish.

sanitize, sanitise, sanitize

i have a fever, a sore throat that made my voice sounded like a shemale and now a flu that made me feel like my whole brain had liquefied and slowly dripping out from my nose. wtf. but i am being a responsible sick little sucker, i sanitize my hands every time after i sneeze, or basically after i touch my nose, mouth or everything in general cause i am OCD like that.

and on top of all of this, i have to go to a meeting that i could not afford to miss, not even if i have an MC to back me up. oh, i do hope the meeting wouldn't last long cause i would terribly misses my bed :(

on a brighter note, the sky is clear today. i hope there won't be any rain.


downing insane amount of warm fluid. cause i need my voice back!

surviving on call

with the midwifes specifically.

Step 1:

read ahead and know your stuff prior assisting in the labour room. if you are thaaaatt stupid (quoting one of the midwife here) observed buttload of labour until you grow an extra set of vagina.

Step 2:

as if growing an extra set of genital is enough, you need to develop thick skin as well. being scolded, tease and humiliated in front of your fellow friends, housemans, registrars, patients and their kins by the midwifes should be like a second nature to you. midwifes yap, filter out the important points mute out the unnecessary details, look indifferent, occasionally nod and leave.

Step 3:

show no emotion *refer to step 2*. breaking down is a waste of energy. being on call is not just the matter of surviving the 12hours but also surviving the consecutive 8-5 the next day. besides, tears are like midwifes magnet. it increases the midwifes affinity towards you. translation=BAD. however if crying is inevitable, do it privately. 

Step 4:

learn to accept your mistake and the midwifes' mistake as yours as well. cause in their mind you're always wrong. being indifferent is the key here. besides, patient's safety is still the priority. Hence, pointing out the midwifes obvious mistake is necessary despite the risk of getting scolded. so, INDIFFERENT. 

I might have gone loopy from all the mental tortures and the physical exhaustion from this posting but call me crazy or a masochist to be exact, those *bleeping* midwifes is the ones that got me thinking if this is the profession that I wanted to do for the rest of my life and I never felt so sure of myself until last night.

But I probably wont pursue Obs n Gyn as my field though. Cause hey I might be a masochist but I'm not thaaaaattt stupid.

why everyday should be mother's day

On call was not so bad after all! Okay it is probably because after observing two delivery, normal and twin vaginal delivery I decided to went home and manage to sneak in 4hours of sleep before heading to ward again at 7am in an effort to conserve energy for this morning grand ward round that lasted almost 5hours ftw!!!!!11 *pat back for quick thinking*

Back to topic!

Whoever says that childbirth is a beautiful and magical moment is truly delusional. Cause it is not. You'll have difficulty in breathing due to your gigantic belly, you're in shitload of pain from the contraction, other than popping out a baby or two you'll pee, shit, ooze out blood and not to mention spreading your legs in front of 10 or so strangers who'll probably scream back at you when you scream in pain.

I must admit that after observing the twin delivery I was probably mentally scarred cause after the first baby was delivered I promptly texted the bf and tell him that if he decided to marry me, there will be some ground rule about twin. 2am in the morning. 

True story.

However for the sake of the continuity of human race, I am oblige to tell you that childbirth is not all that horrible. Imagine to finally able to put a face to the baby that kicked, moved and grew within your tummy for 9months. to touch, feel, hear your baby's cry and hold the baby on your arms for the first time and instinctively know that you'll do anything, anything for his/she well being. In that instance, your heart swells and all that pain you've just been through is worth it. 

I know this made me one of the delusional people. But to me those moments were the one that made childbirth sacred, beautiful and magical.

Thanks mom for bearing through hours of tremendous pain and raised me to the person that I am now. I promise to do everything in my will to make you proud.

I love you mom.

B&W part 1.

Smile for the camera!!

*

*

*

Ok, fine I was bored or just a bit over influenced by Mika. wtf.

Frankly, I don't feel like blogging these days. 

So I'm gonna give blogging a rest and just focusing on getting my brain liquefied my revision.

Back to a more wordy blog post after the exam.

if it were up to me

Just few more hour then home I'll be! 

Even though I'm gonna spend the holiday with a few assignments under my belt I am still oh so excited! Cause I promise myself only to worry about them after the 2nd day of CNY *boo. I know 2nd seems to be too early and to be honest I don't even trust myself to have such will power to do so. T_____T

But there's always a first for everything. Thus, on this special occasion I'm gonna bury the cynic within me and for once believe that I have the will power to start doing my assignment after the 2nd day of CNY *determined*

BUTTT for now,

I can't wait to come home and see all the familiar faces. 

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR and HAPPY HOLIDAY!!

I'm gonna be.. Home!Home!Home! *excited wtf. 

P/S: for that someone (ehem you know who you are) that's having study week during this holiday my condolences to you :( Remember to take care of your health during this crucial week and GOOD LUCK!

P/P/S: and no fret I'm gonna help you celebrate extra hard on this holiday. hehehe.. 

Currently listening to: If it Were Up to Me-Rooney

A little power pop to kick start that Valentine's Day spirit.

Liberating.

Now is probably one of those time that I feel like wanna pull those few strands of hair left on this empty head of mine and went around the house naked just so that I have a tiniest feeling of being liberated from all this shit that I am in now. Maybe after all that I'm gonna have a cup of tea while watching Fringe to chill. 

HAHAHAHAHAHA!!


WTF. Totally random and I am totally kidding.

Or am I?

Before you call for help and throw me into the asylum I just want you to know I might not have the time to the crazy things above due to the shitload amount of things that need my sanity now.

SIGH!!!!!

This post doesn't make any sense I know. This is just me word vomiting. Thank you for wasting your time reading this piece of shit.

Here's a picture of a my dog mocha to compensate all the madness above.

Picture is a bit blur cause she can't stay still and I'm using my hand phone camera to take this picture. But who care she's mad cute!!

Eighteen Ways

Why I LOVE The Sims.

Go laugh your head out on these mindless murder.

Today is the first day of the third week for this term and I'm already burn out FML.

Can't wait for Friday. It's so important that they make it a holiday.

Say cheese!

 

I miss waking up early just to play with you.

But the pile of notes on my bed is making me feel guilty for even thinking about you.

FML.

Can't wait for exam week to be over.

Which is another 1 month to go. T___T

So, be patient for just a little while.

Enjoy sitting in the dark corner of my drawer for now.

fragmented

My thought is all fragmented. I see things in small, tiny pieces for easier analyzing.
I hate it. I want to function as a whole.
But sometimes being fragmentize is good for you. methinks.

*****

sigh, I just can't make a complete sentences that make sense now. My brain hurts.

One of these days you’ll be
under the covers you’ll be
under the table and you’ll realize
all of your days are numbered;
all of them one to one hundred.
All of them millions.
All of them trillions.
So what are you gonna do with them all?
You can not trade them in for mall.

Take every moment; you know that you own them.
It’s all you can do, use what’s been given to you.

Give me a reason
to fight the feeling
that there’s nothing here for me.
Cause none of its easy,
I know it wasn’t meant to be.
I know it’s all up to me.
So what am I gonna do with my time?

I'll take every moment, I know that I own them.
It’s all up to you to do whatever you choose.

Live like you’re dying and never stop trying.
It’s all you can do, use what’s been given to you.

All of the moments you didn’t notice;
gone in the blink of an eye.
All of the feelings you couldn’t feel
no matter how you try.

Live Like You're Dying-Lenka

premature monday's blue

It Sunday people. This means the end of my favorite time of the week-the weekend. Gosh all this 8-7 lectures is not doing me any good at all. In the midst of trying to catch up with homework, studies, socializing (damn you FB *showing ma middle finger*), and kept reminding myself that i need to take something nutritious other than my RedBull, bread and Vono quick fix all this hecticness is pulling me slowly in a downward spiral.

Why did everythings had to come at one week. The convo clinical booth, dog-a-thon(which i really wanna go!), stupid last minute convo performance thingy, facing the strictest clinical mentor for the first time, the pressure of making a positive first impression, worrying not to screw up in front of her, two PBL, covering TWO modules for next week ASSessment which would contribute 20% for the final exam! and staying alive after all that. fml.

All this gave me De Javu. I don't need anybody to remind me about that cause it haunts me daily. Just because I came out strong doesn't meant I'm invincible.

Note to self: Study, eat, Ramones, Coldplay, oh and sleep.

Paper Cut.

Say hello to hell.

One week for all of this.

I'll be surprise if I even have my sanity intake after going through this week.
I wonder how paper stew taste like?

Red Bull Anyone?

Study week!!!

Yes it is not a typo I really do have only one ONE! bloody week for me to cover/revise/re-read 4 FREAKING modules that consist of mountain of lecture notes and require tons of reference books each. T___________T

How annoying it is to find out that even though you had previously studied until you've vomited/cough/shit(?) out blood and in the end you still had difficulty to remember all those notes? why why WHY?????? ARRRRGGGGHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!~/floor

*slap self*

I mean how hard it is to remember parasympathetic* cause erection and sympathetic* cause ejaculation huh huh?? That's nothing.

But memorizing the mechanism of action, side effects, indication, and not to mention tongue twisting names of more than 15 different types of drug from one ONE! single sympathomimetics* and adrenergic blockers* lecture notes?!! Now that's hell baby!

I'm glad that I didn't choose Pharmacy coz damn I hate Pharmacology!!

Hate it.

Still very very Hate it.

T_________________________________________________________T

But I know no matter how intense my hatred towards Pharmacology I would still had to go through it and it would still be the most worn out and ugliest text book that I've own due to over usage/flipping/highlighting/sleep on/drools on/spills coffee on. *sigh*

Ok ok gtg, had to pump myself with Red Bull* to spare myself from that unnecessary arrhythmia and diuretic effect of coffee and go study till my brain hypertrophied*.

Yes, only for the hard-working people.

T__________________________________T

Bye. *gulp gulp gulp, Ahhh~*

Random: you like vampire? No I am talking about the incredibulously hawt Edward Cullen* *faint*, but his funny great-great(x100 to infinity and beyond~) great uncle Count Dracula. Haha, ok fine they are not related or do they hmmm?? But anyway the movie is super funny ok. So go laugh your Gluteus Maximus* off.

p/s: Asthmatic people are advise to prepare your inhaler as excessive laughter can cause asthma attack. Laugh at your own risk.

Footnote (according the order of *), coz I am nice enough not to let you lost:
1) No, no this sympathetic doesn't mean that u feeling pity on anybody. So u feeling sympathy DOES NOT cause ejaculation (guys u can breath now) and feeling almost(para) pity wont give u erection too.
2)err. You don't wanna know it. Really wanna know? Ok, it can give you headache. No kidding.
3)Red bull still contain caffeine. whoopadeedo me so happy didn't know that 1,3,7-trimethylxanthine IS caffeine. See this is another reason Pharmacology suck! Interested? Read Red bull.
4)Increase in size of tissue or organ due to enlargement of its cells.
5)Seriously? NEXT.
6)Ass. Not you the word.

Busy Bee!!

This is the time where I should be having that brief moment of panic attack and went cuckoo for uhm approximately 1 hour become too tired to notice any rocking sounds my bed made and finally drifted off to that unwanted excessive sleep that cause all this mess in the beginning. Yes, that is confusing but luckily I manage to get hold of myself and left a bit of sanity for me to type this blog entry and bore you with these senseless sentences that my fingers made by punching the alphabets on my keyboard. T_________T Help I'm trapped in this body of mine!! Who the hell type all those things that you just read?

*slap self*

Okay I'm back. Like I say panic attack.

Anyway I've been thinking maybe I should be including something medical mumbo-jumbo like maybe an entry about acne? Or menstruation/period or like why we couldn't eat after 7pm and why coffee could make your breast become smaller (wtf!!), well you get my point. Maybe next time coz I dont know what topic type about yet and I seriously need to finish deciphering this whole bundles of lecture notes.*flipping through pages* Why do everything needs to be short forms? They try to make us feel dumber izit?? T__________T

Omg! My housemate was like so good in studying long hours. She could like study the whole day and would like totally glued to her chair or to her book and would not move unless if it is necessary like going to the loo/eat/entertaining the bored connie asking her why she could stand studying so long and trying to get her to teach me her secret in studying long hours. she was like a motivation for me to study coz whenever you saw her you would feel like you dont study enough (why do I sounds like a bimbo suddenly??). *steal a glance at her while typing this just in case shes coming*

I'm gonna stop now. I am so wu liao T_____T.

Wise n Busy

Its been a while that the growth of my wisdom tooth had been bothering me but yesterday was the worst ever!!! The pain was unbearable!!!!
And yet I am unable to squeeze in a dental appointment!! This is so frustrating!!!

My assessment is coming up this Friday. So I am busy busy busy busy~~

But I am still looking forward to it coz me and my girlfriends are going CLUBBING!! It would be my first to go to one like ever!!yay~~
Hopefully it turns out just as i imagine it would be... Which is F-U-N! It is my first time so I want it to go super fun and memorable...

Just one problem though what am I going to wear??!! I seriously have no whatsoever idea on what to wear. All I know is I don't want to look like a ho or boring or like somebody's grandma trying to be Paris Hilton. Geez... can't believe I said that but hey u gotta admit that she's good and you hate it.

Ok that's probably not her best look coz I am too damn lazy wanna google for it.
But I guess u would like her a bit if she's look like this once a while..


Thanks Paris now I know what NOT to wear...