baby step to recovery

"when you love something you tell, you share, and when it's time you let go."

I wanted to tell God that He made a mistake. And how I wish that He could take back and undone everything. I wish. But life is not some unfinished movie that you can edit and redo just because you don't like how it goes. It doesn't work like that. Things run in an unpredictable course that was fixed for us by Him. No matter what you do you can't deviate from it. You have no test run, no second chance. Regardless of your stature, rank, race, religion, gender it is all the same.

I wanted so badly to believe that you're still around.

That somehow you are still at school learning the course that you just learn to LOVE and enjoy the reaction of your friends face when you fool them with your card tricks. Remember last time when I used to help you put on the tinie-tiny rubber band on your prop coin? And how we get so frustrated when it broke the last invincible band and we had to use the pink one? Haha.. I say you'll never get away with it, but soon after we finish with it you show me how you make the kids drop their jaws watching your coin biting trick. Show off. By the way, are you fooling kong-kong, nenek and ah mah there now too? Is nenek follows you around asking you to show her more tricks now? I bet she did cos she's so cute like that.

You know what? Your in my dream. And I like it.

Dreams that when I woke up make me smiles cos it reminds me all those happy times that we've spent together. Your toothy smile. For a moment I forgot about the emptiness you left us here and I feel you. I wanted to believe it so much that its you that had been comforting me. And it is you using your way of telling me that you're happy there. I hope you do. I believe you are.

I am not gonna mourn for you anymore. Cause I don't wanna hold you back.
I am gonna let you go cause I love you so.

But I'm not strong enough to hold my tears(yet) so expect a snotty official farewell, physically. Always know that you'll be in my heart LIVING ON. I promise I'll be stronger so that instead of weeping at your lost I WILL CELEBRATE YOUR LIFE.