if you can read this

Sunday, August 30, 2009

i hate that you make me awake in the middle of the night.
i hate that you make me cry whenever i thought of you.

i hate that this tear wont listen to my command and instead of stopping it kept on pouring like a leaking tap broken, unfixable.

i hate the fact that i dont spend enough time talking, teasing, playing with you.

i hate that i dont have chance to say i love you enough to make up all the times that we spend arguing with each other.
i hate that i dont have the chance to say sorry for all the times that i make you angry or sad.

i hate that i only know a fraction of you even though we grew up together.

i hate the fact that you're no longer here with us.
i hate the fact that i am not strong enough to accept this fact, and that i am still here hurting.

i hate that now that you're gone i can only see you through pictures, videos and memories that'll fade.
i hate that i can still hear your laughter, your voice at the back of my head.

i hate that i dont hug you tight on the day i last saw you at the airport.
i hate that i dont have that last goodbye, that last hug, that last touch.
i hate that you make me miss you so much, your tricks, your goofiness, you.
i hate that i love you too much i dont realize it to appreciate it.

regardless, i hope that you know that you're always be my my baby brother. and that,


7 Diagnosis Made:

marilyndeasy said...

Jahat lah u Connie..u made me cried when reading this post last night..hee..

Hey girl..I'm sure he was reading this post while u were typing it bcoz he wondered why did his sister crying in front of her laptop?..=D

...and I'm very sure he did feel the same the way u feel it too..deep inside his heart he also wanted to say sorry for all the times that he had made you angry or sad...

Ur baby brother must have wanted u to live the happiest life u could ever live..He would not want to see u so sad for so long dear..He loves u too..So, dun let ur baby brother worry in heaven k?


CoNnie said...

haih da la tu penjahat buat kita semua nangis..hee

btw, thanks for attending the ceremony we really touch by you and your family supports =)

Joy said...

haih... sa tetau apa mo ckp o until now.. wish it was easy as saying everything will be alright.. but apa2 pun, b strong ja la for ur family..we are all feeling ur loss and grief.. kami suma ada cni if ada apa2. take care aa..

nurul khairunie said...

i was glad seeing you and your family that day. may he will be resting in peace. he's in a better place, sitting next to God now.

benazirjb said...

be strong! ur baby bro wouldn't want u to be sad. =)

Kris and Nadia said...

Oh my.. this is so so damn good poem of you.. u make us feel it too.. thanks

CoNnie said...

@k&n: thanks for stopping by =)