if you can read this

Sunday, August 30, 2009


i hate that you make me awake in the middle of the night.
i hate that you make me cry whenever i thought of you.

i hate that this tear wont listen to my command and instead of stopping it kept on pouring like a leaking tap broken, unfixable.


i hate the fact that i dont spend enough time talking, teasing, playing with you.

i hate that i dont have chance to say i love you enough to make up all the times that we spend arguing with each other.
i hate that i dont have the chance to say sorry for all the times that i make you angry or sad.


i hate that i only know a fraction of you even though we grew up together.

i hate the fact that you're no longer here with us.
i hate the fact that i am not strong enough to accept this fact, and that i am still here hurting.

i hate that now that you're gone i can only see you through pictures, videos and memories that'll fade.
i hate that i can still hear your laughter, your voice at the back of my head.

i hate that i dont hug you tight on the day i last saw you at the airport.
i hate that i dont have that last goodbye, that last hug, that last touch.
i hate that you make me miss you so much, your tricks, your goofiness, you.
i hate that i love you too much i dont realize it to appreciate it.


regardless, i hope that you know that you're always be my my baby brother. and that,

I LOVE YOU.

7 Diagnosis Made:

marilyndeasy said...

Jahat lah u Connie..u made me cried when reading this post last night..hee..

Hey girl..I'm sure he was reading this post while u were typing it bcoz he wondered why did his sister crying in front of her laptop?..=D

...and I'm very sure he did feel the same the way u feel it too..deep inside his heart he also wanted to say sorry for all the times that he had made you angry or sad...

Ur baby brother must have wanted u to live the happiest life u could ever live..He would not want to see u so sad for so long dear..He loves u too..So, dun let ur baby brother worry in heaven k?

*hugs*

CoNnie said...

haih da la tu penjahat buat kita semua nangis..hee

btw, thanks for attending the ceremony we really touch by you and your family supports =)

Joy said...

haih... sa tetau apa mo ckp o until now.. wish it was easy as saying everything will be alright.. but apa2 pun, b strong ja la for ur family..we are all feeling ur loss and grief.. kami suma ada cni if ada apa2. take care aa..

nurul khairunie said...

i was glad seeing you and your family that day. may he will be resting in peace. he's in a better place, sitting next to God now.

benazirjb said...

be strong! ur baby bro wouldn't want u to be sad. =)

Kris and Nadia said...

Oh my.. this is so so damn good poem of you.. u make us feel it too.. thanks

CoNnie said...

@k&n: thanks for stopping by =)