Study week

Friday, October 30, 2009

Was held in solitary.
Till next time.


Wednesday, October 28, 2009

If there is a scale for stress level, between 1 to 10 I'll say mine is 100000000.

a Congratulatory

Monday, October 26, 2009


I am so proud of you.
Sorry I can't be there for you. 
*Gives virtual flower bouquet*

oh, oh.. and

I hope that you won't fall on the stage tomorrow. ^^

Bright Feathers Bird.

"I have to remind myself that some birds aren't meant to be caged.

Their feathers are just too bright and when they fly away, the part of you that knows it was a sin to lock them up does rejoice, but still, the place you live in is that much more drab and empty that they're gone.

I guess I just miss my friend."

The Shawshank Redemption

chasing pavements

Saturday, October 24, 2009

This song made my heart misses a beat.

If you're chasing love, future, happiness or just anything.

Never gives in.

Some things is just ain't worth to contemplate for.

You only live once.

I've made up my mind,
No need to think it over,
If i'm wrong I aint right,
No need to look no further,
This ain't lust,
This is love but,

If i tell the world,
I'll never say enough,
Cause it was not said to you,
And thats exactly what i need to do,
If i'm in love with you,

Should i give up,
Or should i just keep chasing pavements?
Even if it leads nowhere,
Or would it be a waste?
Even If i knew my place should i leave it there?
Should i give up,
Or should i just keep chasing pavements?
Even if it leads nowhere

I'd build myself up,
And fly around in circles,
Wait then as my heart drops,
and my back begins to tingle
finally could this be it

Should i give up,
Or should i just keep chasing pavements?
Even if it leads nowhere,
Or would it be a waste?
Even If i knew my place should i leave it there?
Should i give up,
Or should i just keep chasing pavements?
Even if it leads nowhere

Chasing Pavements-Adele


Friday, October 23, 2009

The cutest dog ever! 
Here she's making my tummy as pillow.

She's very camera shy.
And this is one of the few rare picture of her looking directly at the camera.
 She's looking supremely adorable don't you think?

She's very good in sensing camera and almost always looked away from it. 

She didn't know what she got.

I really miss you being so annoyingly cute.

Pink october.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

I'm might be a little late in posting this up as we are now left with 10 more days in the month of October. But as you probably know or not know, October is the official Breast Cancer Awareness Month (BCAM). I wanted to turn my blog pink for the month after i stumbled into PinkForOctober website but I just don't have the time to plus, I can't find a suitable layout for it. Hence the pink post =D

The picture that I've taken does not talk about breast cancer (if can see it T___T, and yes you probably could've guess that I took it from one of my faculty toilet. I was in a rush that's why it is a bit cut-off) though but cervical cancer and breast cancer are some what inter-related to each other. But that is a different chapter to talk about.

Now lets talk breast cancer.

Breast cancer is the leading cancer for female in Malaysia. According to Malaysian Oncological Society, 1 in 19 women in Malaysia is at risk. There's no exact cause of breast cancer. But there are several risk factors for women to get breast cancer. Such as,
  • Age over 50 years old.
  • Family history of breast cancer and/or ovarian cancer.
  • Carrier of BRCA I and BRCA II genes.
  • Began menstruating at a young age and late menopause.
  • History of benign breast lump.
  • Obesity.
  • High fat diet.
  • etc.
Most women in Malaysia present with a painless lump in the breast. It may grow slowly and change the shape and size of the breast. The lymph nodes in the armpit will also be swollen if affected by the cancer cells.

But the big question is, can it be cure? Well, breast cancer is not exactly a death sentence to some people especially if it is detected earlier. Breast self-examination (BSE) and mammogram helps in early detection. BSE can be done monthly and mammogram is recommended for women above the age of 50 and is advisable every one to two years. This point is especially crucial for those high-risk women (positive family history) where screening can be done at an earlier age (40-49years old). 

Me, myself have two friends whose mother are once diagnosed with breast cancer and was able to ask about their mother's experience confronting the disease. Both medically and emotionally wise. It was a terrifying thing to go through. Watching your love ones struggling for their lives fighting that few thousands vicious cells is extremely painful.

So spread the words, ask your doctor, and touch yourself (I don't mean in a wrong way lah!!) cause prevention is better than cure.  

***this post is just for the purpose of information sharing. Any doubt about the given information please refer to your doctor.

step by step

...oh baby~ sorry cannot resist myself. Hehehehe... *ignore*

In amidst of all the exam frenziness and craziness, I still manage to find time to be secretly obsess with Stepmania. Fine, maybe it is not so secret if you can hear me jumping about trying to catch up with my steps. Being graceful is so not my forte you see, and apparently I am not much of a dancer too. And to say I've been dancing since I was like in crawling stage wtf. Haih maybe I'd lost my touch or steps or something.

This is me trying to find balance wtf.

I used to swim last time. But not until recently, swimming is no longer an option since the owner of the place where I stay still think that a girl can get pregnant if a boy and a girl were to be in the same pool together. And thus they decided that if you have a vagina you can only go swimming from 10am to 3pm. The rest is for all the danglers *grumble grumble* Since my class is usually from 8am-5pm there is no way that I'll be able to swim. Sigh. 

Well at least I'm having my work out. The Stepmania had got me sweating like a pig. I better be losing weight from all the jumping dancing, sweating, and not to mention piles of clothes to wash afterward! Plus, I so need my endorphins now, all this studying is killing me!!


Sunday, October 18, 2009

I've started this blog never with an intention to let anyone that I know to found out about it (read: anonymous). I think it was my cousin inden who found out about my blog first. and I tell you it gave me some sugar rush! She was like kept pestering me to update and I was like what update? sigh.

Anonymity fail T___T

It was tad embarrassing cause when I started out I was me, full throttle.

I was troubled, depressed and had no one to turn to when I realize letting myself and my thoughts run loose in this blog allowed me to loosen up a bit it became one of my medium for me to channel out my emotion(and it still is).

My family, friends and the boyfriend, Its not that they're not around when I need them it's just that writing what I feel is so much more easier than talking about what I feel. How do people do it anyway, talk to a friend, cry their heart out? I always choke before I manage to do it. It's just felt so wrong, exposing myself like that. I rather keep everything inside me and then just shrug it off, just like that.

You see, I tend to let people see what they want to see in me cause I think I grew up learning/thinking that's the correct way of doing it. I'm a people-pleaser of some sort I suppose. Or I'm just emotionally constipated wtf.

Ok seriously no jokes.

I care too much about what people might think of me, of how they'll probably be hurt if I do the thing I want to do. I know, I know I shouldn't care about what people think about me. I should just be myself blablabla all that shit. Its not that I didn't try. I did try to change it sometimes, I try not to follow what my mind told me to do and start to think what would Connie do? How it gave me such sense of pride when I was able to fight the feeling.

However, sometimes it's hard to find me inside me. And when I'm just too tired to answer the question I would just follow what my mindset told me to. Cause it is hassle free that way.


Friday, October 16, 2009

People at Ranau we call 'em mist and it'll be chilling.
Here at KL we call 'em haze and it's hot!

The haze doesn't seem to go anywhere anytime soon.
I want my clear blue sky back!

early weekend!

Thursday, October 15, 2009

Happy Deepavali for those who celebrate it!!
And for everyone else have a great weekend!!

the Balls that is Love.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Warning site may contain some mouth watering graphic. Excessive parasympathetic stimulation and unexplainable craving might occur. Viewer discretion is advised. Words of advice: do prepare a box of Kleenex. That ought to help. 

I wanna go to Melaka and eat some balls, literally wtf.

No. I have not gone crazy yet. And I really do mean Balls.

Ice balls and Rice balls that is.

All that gooey juice on top of it.

The numbing coldness that it gives.

The different textures. Soft, crunchy, slippery, smooth, and gritty. 


Damnit I'm making myself hungry.

Say cheese!

Sunday, October 11, 2009


I miss waking up early just to play with you.
But the pile of notes on my bed is making me feel guilty for even thinking about you.
Can't wait for exam week to be over.
Which is another 1 month to go. T___T
So, be patient for just a little while.
Enjoy sitting in the dark corner of my drawer for now.


Friday, October 9, 2009

Happy Birthday baby bro.

If you're still here, 

Your friends are gonna throw you an awesome surprise birthday party, they probably do some naughty prank to the birthday boy. We'll be making that obligatory phone call to wish you a happy birthday by the stroke of midnight (fine, I just hate to let you know that I've been waiting for the moment to wish you) and you would start asking us for presents (note the 's'), birthday wishes will start to flood your phone inbox, you'll be having the time of your life with your new friends at a new place.

If you are still here to experience life as you're suppose to, I know you would love it.


How I wish you had that moment. 

But I guess celebrating it anywhere is the same right? I am sure Grandpa and our Grandmas are celebrating it with you up there. 

Happy 19th Birthday kid. I'll eat your portion of the cake for you. =)

The light

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Be strong.


Tuesday, October 6, 2009

My thought is all fragmented. I see things in small, tiny pieces for easier analyzing.
I hate it. I want to function as a whole.
But sometimes being fragmentize is good for you. methinks.


sigh, I just can't make a complete sentences that make sense now. My brain hurts.

Tangled up

Monday, October 5, 2009


Went for retail therapy. 
My favorite buy. ^^

"it is love.
not reason.
that is stronger
man dream."
Who knew lace can be comfortable O.o
All these while I've been trying to avoid it.

Wearing lacy stuff makes me feel so grown up. Sigh~


I hate this feeling I'm having now.
I can't make the heartache go away.

Why can't life exist sans brokenheartedness?
Why can't life demise without the grief and sorrow?

Without you, I am still adapting.

yellow submarine

Sunday, October 4, 2009

"...We all live in a yellow submarine
Yellow submarine, yellow submarine
We all live in a yellow submarine
Yellow submarine, yellow submarine..."

Yellow Submarine: The Beatles
Hahaha... singing this song makes me crazy happy. =D

Currently listening to The Beatles Discography. 

Charity rarity

Saturday, October 3, 2009

Just got back from the orphanage for community service.
I was playing with one of the toddler there when I found this.
Fine, I might have played it for awhile before I decide to return it to the little kid.
We were both amused by the semi-complete jingling ball T^T
Both of us agree that the eyes were creeping us out.
Our attempts of trying to cover the creepy-looking eyes kept us entertained for half an hour.
I wanna tell her so bad it is a semi-complete ball, but it would be like telling santa does not exist.
I was seriously tempted though *evil*
But after several futile effort she grew bored of it and requested me to play with her.
Play as in she wants to be a supergirl and running around chasing bad guy (read: me) kinda play.
I almost die.
Thanks to the ball I manage to break the ice.
Just one problem though, by the end of the service I got one kid clinging to me refusing to let go.


Friday, October 2, 2009

I was reading through the postsecret archive the other day. Beneath all those depressing secret that were posted up I found this.

I couldn't get my mind of this secret. Cause it reminds me of you. Of how I feel of you.

We're 27 months baobei!

Thanks for being there for me during the difficult moments. Thanks for the silly jokes, the funny faces, and all the little things that you've done to cheer me up. Thanks for making me feel like I am the prettiest girl around and treated me like a princess. And I know I can be tad too demanding sometimes, but that's what princesses do right? *bat eyelashes* <33

I realize that our relationship is still young, but I want you to know that I feel very comfortable and grateful for having you with me going through my everyday.

Thanks for being mine.

Oh, and yep. i really love you.