I Thought I'm Through With This

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

I thought I'm coping it well but reality hit me again today. HARD!

How could it be that hard to just let go of the thing that were painful to you and just go on with life? It shouldn't be that hard to let go. Somebody tell me that the pain will go away with time. At least theirs do. How come mine don't?How come?

I let my self slipped away from the life that I plan on to live. And I loathe myself for letting myself get drifted away by other unnecessary, minor, unimportant things that forced me to take the long way out away from that path that I already meticulously craft and plan in this big head on mine. That mistake cost me my joy, my self-esteem, my confident and evidently my sincere smiles and laughter. I lost my own character together with it. Maybe I would still laugh at your funny lame jokes but I've become much colder than what I used to be.

I hate the fact that I was treated as if I'm different from everyone else. The fact that you people now think I am fragile and words must be filtered so that you won't say the wrong thing that might hurt me. I'm an observer don't think I didn't notice anything I not 5. And doing so actually made it worst. We just happen to be taking a different path now.

If only things took off in a different way. If only...

But after all those things that happened I think I still do dare to say that it makes me stronger. It makes me notice another side of me. The Super Connie in me. Who grew bigger day by day from the daily supplement of moral support, wishes, hopes and aspiration either from me, my family, boyfriend, friends and some random people who smiles at me. Lucky for me she's strong, lucky for me she never judge when everyone else around me including me judges me, lucky for me she's not a coward that runs away and cries at the corner of the rooms, lucky for me she's there. Coz I knew i would've gone all haywire without her.

Time to square up my shoulder and put on that happy face of mine again!

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